why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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