You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
