He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
