Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
