Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
