i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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