I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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