all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
