my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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