need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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