Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
