having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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