he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
