Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
