whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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