Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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