"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
