i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
