he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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