I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
