she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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