Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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