is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
