Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
