If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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