I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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