and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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