There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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