What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im part way to drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize