Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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