i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
