There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
