I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think a kid would responsible me up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize