she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
