U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
