hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
