I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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