His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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