what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were trust falling into bushes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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