The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize