all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
