hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize