I wanna bring you to show and tell
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
