no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize