LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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