maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
