she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
