I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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