New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
