I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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