What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
