No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
