first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
