I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize