God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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