at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
