I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
