WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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