If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
