My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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