One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
