I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
