so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
