I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
