Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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