Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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