Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
