I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
