everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
