I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
