went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
