I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
