I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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